Tuesday, January 12, 2016


I spend evenings getting her pills ready and labeled in baggies for the week ahead, for the friends and family that will stay with her when I am at work, and documenting everything on a chart. Washing her clothes and dressing her wounds.

 I remember what my Sundays were like not so long ago. I would pick out my outfit on Sunday night to spend the next day with my Mom. I would get up early, shower and get ready, and drop my girls off at their grandparents. I would pick her up and we would drive to her chemo treatments where we would sit and talk and I would draw or read. Sometimes she took a nap, or we would talk about the future. Afterwards we would go shopping and out to lunch. If we were lucky, we met my brother Torrin too. One day we had the most eventful lunch - between Willow choking on her lunch and me performing the Heimlich maneuver and her puking on the carpet, to Torrin telling Mom he got a tattoo, we were all full of laughter by the end of it, the entire restaurant was entertained.  I will never forget that day.

Mom always had a million places she wanted to go and when I let out my deep sigh if she listed more than two places, she let me know how it was going to be. "Just go Ashley", she would say and roll her eyes. Mom was always running from place to place and she never sat still for more than a few minutes unless she was doing a word-search. Me, I prefer as few stops as possible and will drive further if it means I only have to go to one place. I was more exhausted shopping with her than I was after a day of work and an evening with my girls, but I wouldn't have it any other way. She was usually buying things for the girls too, they never went without and she loves dressing them. She spoils them rotten, and I have never seen her smile so big or laugh so hard as she does when she is with them. She could never tell them no, sometimes I used that to my advantage - she did countless late night trips to the store for milk. I hope they remember her for all of those wonderful memories they made together....countless trips to the park and to the library and tons of hours playing pretend and what they call "witchy witch". The three of them have a special bond and I am so thankful for the memories they have made together. 

She asks me what heaven will be like........
I tell her that it will be beautiful, and that she won't be sick anymore, I tell her that she will get to watch the girls all the time.  She smiles.

What I would do to be able to call my Mom to go get them some milk right now.

"Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal." - Thomas Moore

1 comment:

  1. I am glad I have met you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and love of your mom. I will pray for strength and healing your pain.